


That's Just the Tea

by Kusokawa (lone_wolf_moon)



Category: BIRDMEN - 田辺イエロウ | Tanabe Yellow
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Brief mentions of Takayama the cryptid, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 11:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lone_wolf_moon/pseuds/Kusokawa
Summary: Umino takes all of Sagisawa's tea and he's forced to socialize. Fuckin' rekt.





	That's Just the Tea

Rei awoke to a rummaging sound emanating from his kitchen. To his surprise, it wasn’t five in the morning, the time Star usually woke him up for arbitrary reasons, but a much more acceptable time nearing nine o’clock. Regardless, he didn’t want Star to get into anything she shouldn’t, so he begrudgingly pulled himself out of his warm covers and padded into the kitchen, the cool tiles causing him to hop from foot to foot while adjusting.

“Star, you little shit, whatever you’re doing, stop it. I don’t want to clean up the plants again,” Rei mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

But when Rei looked up, he did not see his darling cat getting into mischief, at least not in the way he expected, but instead a certain girl with blue hair perched on his counter, going to town in his cupboard as if she owned the place. He admitted that she was probably over at his apartment more than she was at her own dorm, but that didn’t mean she could just go through his cabinets! He had valuable things in there!

“Umino… What are you doing here?” Rei said, his exhaustion returning near instantly.

“Hi Sagisawa!” Umino Tsubame, Rei’s dearest, most obnoxious friend, said brightly. “I just thought I should stop over before we head out!”

“What…”

“Oh you know. You’re out of tea so I figured we’d go out together to that coffee shop I’ve been telling you about. It’s very nice, I know you’ll love it.”

“I’m out of _what_?!” Rei shrieked, tearing forward and flinging his tea cabinet open before screaming in terror. “Umino! What did you do!”

Umino blinks innocently. “What do you mean? I have never done anything wrong, ever.”

Rei collapsed onto the floor in despair. “My tea… Where did it go? I had enough left until my next grocery trip. I didn’t want to leave the house today! I have to study; I have tests coming up, I need to study, I don’t want to die like thi—”

“Stop being such a drama queen. You aren’t a theater kid anymore, and I’ve dealt with this enough already.”

Glaring at her, Rei lifted himself from the floor. He didn’t know what her plan was, but he was sure it was antithetical to his plans for the day. Dammit, Umino, that tea was expensive, too!

Upon hearing all the commotion, Rei’s beloved cat entered the room. Umino lit up instantly.

“Star! Baby girl! Hello, darling!” She ran over to her, cooing in a ridiculous fashion. Star rubbed herself all over Umino’s ankles with a loud purr. _Little_ _traitor_.

“So. Why are you here again?” Rei grumbled, quietly closing his cabinet and opting instead to pour himself a glass of water.

“Ah yes! Since you’re out of tea, I figured you’d want to expand your horizons! I already told you about the coffee shop not far from here, and I thought, y’know, as I tend to do when it comes to helping my friends, that a certain someone—a certain tea lover—might, just might, want to pay it a visit! And since I am so kind and enjoy helping my friends, I figured I would escort that certain someone, so that he doesn’t try to escape by just buying himself more hot beverages in leaf packets when this is clearly an opportunity given to him by the stars above to learn how to socialize like a _normal human being_.”

Rei blinked.

“You are leaving the apartment today whether you like it or not. C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Oh the things he would _do to her._ If he didn’t like her so much, Rei was convinced he probably would’ve killed her by now for interfering with his day to day plans.

True to her word, Umino began gently yet insistently pushing him towards his bedroom. She sat him down on his bed with a light, yet disconcerting pat on his back and scavenged through his closet, assumedly looking for clothes for him to wear. Admittedly, as much as Rei didn’t want to give into Umino, if this was going to happen he might as well not make it worse by going into public in nothing but his pajamas.

“You have the weirdest shirts,” Umino stated. 

"Excuse me? Don’t you mean fashionable?” Rei said, rather miffed.

“Really? You call this fashion?” Umino lifted out one of Rei’s personal favorites, a T-shirt that stated “human lie detector” in capitalized, stylized font. “What does this even mean?”

“Exactly what you think it means!”

That only earned him a side glance from Umino before she continued tearing through his closet like a raccoon in a garbage can.

After the longest test in self confidence Rei had ever experienced, Umino finally settled on a simple, yet lovely, button-down shirt with a floral print.

Umino stood proudly, gaze locked onto the shirt. “Yeah. This’ll work. You’ll fit right in.” She tossed the shirt at Rei, who only barely managed to catch it before it whapped him in the face. He sighed a preemptive breath of relief before realizing she was moving on to his dresser, pulling the drawer open and flinging his pants out in an overdramatic, completely unnecessary fashion.

“Umino please, I’ll have to clean this up because I know you won’t-”

“Silence! It’s for your own good! By the way, I had no idea you even owned half this stuff. You own rompers? Why don’t you wear them?”

Rei opted to bury his face in his hands rather than answer. “Can we just get on with it.”

“Certainly!” And with that, Umino flings a pair of jeans at his face, which he again barely stopped before impact. “Now, if we really want to match,” she said, opening another of Rei’s drawers, “We have to match not just on the outside, but the inside, yes? Which means-”

“No way!” Rei screeched, shooting up from his position on the bed and pushing Umino away from his, um, delicates. “You are not going through my underwear! Not happening! I am drawing the line here!” Rei felt his face warming up as Umino giggled in absolute delight. He really was going to kill her!

“Understood, captain!” And with that, trotted out of his room. Probably to conspire with his cat again.

One embarrassing change of clothes later, Rei stepped out his room. As much as he’d hate to admit, Umino really did have a solid grasp on what looked good on him. Wasn’t he supposed to be the fashion major?

“I fed Starkiller! And took care of her litter box, for that matter. C’mon! I’ve been waiting for so long now,” Umino dragged out the ‘so’ to a near obnoxious extent.

Rei couldn’t help but smile a little bit. He couldn’t help but find her endearing. Even if he was still a little mad. “You’ve been waiting for like, fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes too long, Sagisawa. Fifteen minutes too long.”

“Did you expect me to teleport there or something?”

 

“Obviously.” “I don’t even know where it is though?”

“So?” “I don’t… I don’t. I don’t even know how to respond to that, to be completely honest.”

“Precisely.”

Rei decided it was probably better to just stop while he was already this far behind.

“Anyway! The shop isn’t that far from here. I’m actually surprised you didn’t recognize it by name. Tenkuudai? Hello? It’s literally, like, down the street. Why is being a human person so hard for you.”

“Leave me alone!” Rei whined, dragging out the last word in similar fashion to how Umino had done so earlier. “I just wanna live. As a person. But not in public I just want to make clothes and drink expensive tea and pet my cat.”

“You’re a loser. The executive decision has already been made, and you’re already dressed anyway. Onwards and upwards, my friend! Vim, vigor, and vitality! Let’s go!”

And with that, Umino grabbed Rei’s arms, shoved him into his peacoat, swung open the door to his apartment, and fished his keys out of his pocket and locked the door behind them. So. It really was too late now, wasn’t it? Time to admit defeat. Rei had to stop himself from dramatically sagging onto the ground in the hallway.

Umino, sensing his resolve (or lack thereof), smiled brightly and chatted his ears up as they walked to the elevator. Rei wasn’t really listening. It wasn’t that he didn’t value her input, so much as he knew that she probably didn’t care about what she was saying either. In the meantime, he allowed himself to zone out, letting Umino guide him to the coffee shop known as “Tenkuudai.”

How hadn’t he known about this shop? If it was as close as Umino insisted he’d probably seen it at least once. That’s not to say it wasn’t possible he could be that inobservant, but Rei believed he deserved at least a little more credit than Umino gave him.

Well, to be fair, Rei rarely drank any caffeinated beverage that wasn’t his favorite type of tea, which he only had at his apartment, the kind his parents sent to him. Hm. Speaking of his parents, he wondered how they were doing, at this moment. He hadn’t spoken to them since their last package came in, and that was just a simple ‘thanks’ via text. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really, truly spoken to them, with more than just polite words and pleasantries.

It wasn’t something he thought about often, and he never, _ever_ , brought it up with anyone else. Not Umino, not any of his classmates. Rei was afraid of telling someone about his predicament, no, experience? No, situation…? Regardless, Rei had no one to talk to about the invisible wall between him and his parents. He wasn’t sure he was brave enough to bring it down himself, but he certainly wasn’t brave enough to ask anyone else for help. Or even advice, for that matter.

He felt, deeply, hidden under his superficial layer of college-aged angst, a loneliness experienced only by a parentless child. However, since he still had his parents, Rei almost felt as if he had no right to this painful isolation. Besides, it wasn’t something he needed or wanted someone else’s help for. He could deal with it on his own.

He ran directly into Umino. The back of her head knocked into his chin, forcing it in towards his own throat. He let out a strange, strangled noise before grabbing it in pain. _Oof_.

Umino snorted. “You okay?”

“I’ll never recover.”

“Yeah, you’re okay. Pay attention, dude.”

“Are we there yet?”

Umino’s face was unamused. “No, Sagisawa, we aren’t there, I stopped completely on a whim purely so I could trick you into smacking into the back of my head. Your chin is stupidly pointy, by the way.”

“Apologies. So this is it?” Rei was dumbfounded. He really had never seen the place before. What the hell? Was he blind?

“Yeah. Judging by your expression, you’ve never been here. Have you even looked at it before?”

“...Maybe,” Rei muttered, before speaking in a slightly louder tone. “I’m, uh, somewhat aware of it?”

“I thought you were supposed to be the human lie detector. Your shirt said so.”

“Shut up!” Rei exclaimed. “So what, I’ve never seen a coffee shop. I’m a busy college student, you know? I’ve probably been wrapped up in work every time I’ve passed by here.”

“Somehow, I doubt that. Do fashion majors even have any work?”

Rei gasped, faux offended. “How. _Dare_. You. Coco Chanel is turning in her grave. Vera Wang is astral projecting to our location at this moment to smite you.”

Umino giggled. Rei found it infectious, and couldn’t help but join.

“Okay,” She said, “Point taken. Let’s go inside.”

Rei’s first impression of the place was largely positive. It was so warm and welcoming. All of the lovely smells and atmosphere of a Starbucks, per se, but none of the corporate bullshit hidden underneath. For lack of better words, Rei found it, well, genuine.

The only thing that took away from the scenic picture was a mysterious, almost suspicious looking man with spiky black hair. He sat alone at a table in the corner, and while he made him nervous, Rei said nothing as to not ruin the mood. He supposed no place could be truly perfect.

Umino sighed contentedly. “Isn’t it lovely? All it needs is a fireplace and it’d be perfect. Although I think that would violate fire safety codes.”

Rei hated to admit it, but she was right. He wasn’t quite there, but he was nearly on the verge of enjoying himself.

“C’mon, let’s order something. They have good hot chocolate!” Umino happily bounced over to the counter. It reminded Rei of a rabbit, almost. Or perhaps a small bird hopping along the ground. Either way, Rei found it endearing.

He walked forward with her, and looked up only to come face to face—well, as face to face as one could get with someone an entire head shorter—with a familiar scowl.

“Ah,” Rei let the sound slip from his mouth in a very ungraceful fashion. “Karasuma?”

Karasuma Eishi stared at him for a moment, a completely blank expression on his face, before snapping his fingers and saying, “Sagisawa?”

Rei felt a smile break across his face. “So it is you! It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I almost forgot your name. Almost,” Karasuma said.

“I’m very unforgettable, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh, definitely.” Karasuma’s face cracked into a slight smile. “Can I get you anything?”

“Hot chocolate!” Umino chimed in. “I’ll take as much whipped cream as you’re allowed to give me.”

“S-so that’s one hot ch-chocolate, yes?” Karasuma’s face took on a light pink dusting.

_So he still can’t talk to girls_ , Rei thought. _Hee hee hee_.

Karasuma turns to him in a desperate attempt to keep his cool. “You guys know each other?” He deliberately made no eye contact with Umino. _Hee hee!_

“Yup!” Umino said, leaning forward on the counter. “We go a while back. Sagisawa’s cat is essentially half my cat.”

“You have a cat?”

“Uh, yeah. Speaking of cats, where’s Kamoda? You still hang out?”

As if on cue, Karasuma’s friend stepped out from a hall in the back of the shop. Kamoda looked exactly the same as he did back then: tall, bald, and with his intimidating exterior hiding his incredibly fluffy personality.

“Hey, Kamoda!” Karasuma called out. Sagisawa has a cat now.”

“Sagisawa has a cat? Wait, back up a second. Sagisawa?” Kamoda trotted over, and then embraced Sagisawa briefly but with incredible strength. Rei swore he felt every vertebrae in his back crack. “Sagisawa! It’s so good to see you! Have you always gone to school around here? Wait, are you in school? What do you study? Ei is a biology major against my better judgement! I’ve been looking into being a vet. So wait, you have a cat?”

“Woah, slow down! Yes, I’m in school. Yes, I’ve been around here for awhile now. I’m looking to major in fashion, y’know, the clothing industry. And yes, I have a cat.”

Umino popped in again. “Her name is Star!”

“That’s so cute!” “Short for Starkiller Base!”

“Wh-what?”

“Oh you know,” Rei began. “It sounds cool.” He had to stop himself from bursting into laughter at Kamoda’s face. It really had been too long since he’d seen either Karasuma or Kamoda. He had missed them quite a bit. Perhaps not just them, but the companionship they brought. He had let himself fall too far into isolation, Rei thought. Thank goodness for Umino. Without her, who knows how lonely he’d really be. He’d have to thank her for that later.

He smiled to himself. She’d probably just snort, and smack him upside the head before saying, “As if I’d let you stay a hermit forever!” The thought alone made him smile.

“Sagisawa?”

Karasuma’s inquisitive voice interrupted his thought process.

“Yeah?”

“You gonna order anything?”

Rei smiled. “I’ll take the cheapest tea you have.”

**Author's Note:**

> My Birdmen secret santa gift for a-girl-with-a-pencil on tumblr! 
> 
> The shirt I was referring to is based off art by sagisawarei on tumblr!
> 
> idk how to hyperlink but here's the url http://sagisawarei.tumblr.com/post/164428701684/testing-the-waters
> 
> This was the first thing I've written in a while so I hope you enjoy


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